Farrah went to Aruba, Thanks to Lara!!!

Friday, December 31, 2010

With this New Year

To mommy's Angel,

It's bittersweet. In Dec 2009 you were given to me with all the hopes and dreams that come along with a new baby. Our lives were filled with joy, happiness and the dreams of the future. In March 2010 that was all taken away.

It's been 9 months since we lost you and all the pain and saddness is still in my heart but I've learned to deal with it. You will always be in my heart and mind while you are in heaven. It's been a rough and rocky 9 months but we've survived. I think it's mostly because of you, you are the reason I keep going. I wishing and hoping that we will have a baby to carry on your memory and one of their own.

You have impacted my life in ways that no one will ever understand. Some days I'm bitter and mad that you arean't here to share your life with us but there was a reason. I may not know that reason yet, but I will. In time when you feel I'm ready you will let me know.

Mommy loves you forever and ever!

We are currently on lifes hardest journey. Learning to deal with a late loss and recently an early loss. I look at my life and wonder, wow I'm only 27 and I've lost my daughter, another baby, my husband has lost two Grandparents. All in one year, how much pain can one family endure. With my dear Husband standing hand and hand with me, we can get though anything. Our marriage has been tested time and time again but we are now stronger then ever before.

I've come to realize (and this may sound harsh):

She's gone, I can't bring Farrah or baby #2 back so what can you. All you can really do is move forward in your life. I'm not saying get over it or leave it behind, but make them proud of you. Put the pieces in your heart back together the best you can and make your life better. The heart ache someone endures with the loss of any child is much more painful then anything in this world. Your hopes, dreams future plans are gone and all you have are the memories of your angel and the pain of losing them.

For anyone who has lost a child, it does get better. I know when it's fresh and recent and you think there is no hope. But this has been my life for the last 9 months and if I'm still standing here so can you. It never goes away but it does get better.

Wishing everyone a happy, heathy and wonderful New Year. I hope you get everything that your heart desires. Lots of love from me to you.

1 comment:

  1. I have had a second trimester loss and then 2 first trimester losses this year. It is especially cruel. Just when you start to feel some happiness again, the next baby dies. I'm sorry that you have been through so much this year. I often tell myself, as you do, that I have to move forward (not move on) because Jacob wouldn't want our lives to stop because he died. It is the only thing that gets me through some days.

    I hope you have a wonderful 2011 and that you get everything you want in 2011 and that Farrah and baby #2 always make their presence known.

    Sending you love.