To my dearest Farrah Jade,

So today was a okay day, I felt all emotional but dead inside. I don't know what to do with myself. I want to hate the world and everyone in it but my heart won't let me. I miss my baby so much I can never tell anyone in words. I wish there was a way someone could feel your pain without going thru it. I just don't know what to do. I want my baby back so much it hurts, like there is this gaint hole in my heart no one can fill and I don't think anyone can. Sometimes i think this is all a bad dream but i know it's not. My baby is in heaven with God and she is OKAY. We may not be but in time.

I got a call from a client at work who i speak with alot today. She knew i was expecting but didn't know about my loss. She asked me how I was doing and I just didn't know what to tell her. When I finally did she got the shock of her day. She didn't know what to say but that she was here for me whenever I needed her. I thanked her and that was the end of that converstation. (glad). At times I can talk about it and be okay but other times I just want to yell at the world.

This has been the worst time in my life. While I was pregnant all I could think about was all the hoilday's and events I would be able to share with her. But no longer can i enjoy those things yet.

Yesterday I found out when she will be laid to rest and I am so scared of that day. I don't know how I am going to be. I need everyone in my life to be there for my husband and I but I hate asking and expecting it to happen. No everyone has been so open with my healing process, but it's mine and I will do it any way I feel like.

My sweet baby Farrah Jade, Mommmy thinks of you every second of the day and misses you so much. I know that times will get better and my heart won't hurt as much but it's so hard to be okay right now. We wanted you every second we had you with us and still do.

Your daddy is so heartbroken and I don't know how to fix it. He loves you so much and always will. You are Daddy's little princess. I know your brother loves you too and so does the rest of the family. I want to hold you and have you back in our lives but it's a hard reality that's not going to happen. I try and tell myself I am okay but then I think how can I be; your not here.

But you are and always will be a blessing in our lives and will always be my little angel Farrah. I love you so much, Mommy!